pregnancy update

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I’m 31.5 weeks pregnant now and seem to be healthy, though I am beginning to swell a little. This could be normal pregnancy swelling, of course, but it could also be the beginning of preeclampsia. I’ve begun weighing myself every morning, and D. checks my ankles and wrists every night for signs of serious edema. (I know, aren’t we fun?)

I’m going in today to have my blood pressure and urine checked. If my blood pressure is fine and my urine is clear of protein, I’ll breathe a sigh of relief. At this point with Stella, I weighed 15 pounds more than I do now (mostly water weight, though I didn’t realize it at the time), and I had begun to leak significant protein into my urine, indicating damage to the small blood vessels in my kidneys. (My blood pressure was normal with her until the last minute, when it skyrocketed.)

A good report today would be a huge relief, but frankly, I’m tired of all of this. I work myself into a frenzy of worry, am relieved when I get a good report, but then I begin worrying again almost immediately. I tell myself I’m just being vigilant–I know how fast you can get sick from preeclampsia–but maybe I’m simply justifying my worrying.

I wish I were more laid-back. I can’t stop the preeclampsia from happening, so why worry? But doesn’t the worrying make me more vigilant? Is there a way to be vigilant without worrying? I’ve been anxious for um, 7 months, and I’m exhausted.

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