showing up


I’ve started a number of blog posts over the last couple of weeks. Each time, before I could finish the post, things with my health would change and I’d abandon it half-written.

A week ago I was feeling better—not perfect, but better. I could lift a basket of laundry, put the full Brita back into the refrigerator on my own, walk longer distances, and make it through the day without a nap. Exciting stuff, I know. I still had some pain, especially after eating certain foods (likely the result of gallbladder duct spasms), but emotionally I felt so much better. Better than I had in over a year.

It was helpful to read the pathology report, which found that my gallbladder was inflamed, consistent with chronic cholecystitis. Perhaps it’s odd that this made me so happy, but I had been worried that I would get it out and it would look perfectly healthy. Instead, it confirms that I made the right decision.

But then last week I developed some mystery pain on my left side, and I began to worry about all sorts of (probably unlikely) things, and I was right back in that place I had been most of the last year, second-guessing everything. I began to worry that I’d made the wrong decision (not a helpful or productive line of thought).

I’m hopeful that things will turn around very soon. In the meantime, I’m teaching and editing and trying to write a little every day. I’m walking and swimming again. Today was the first time I’d been in the pool in over six months. I was slow, but still, my body remembered how to slice through water, my arms pulling, legs kicking, head turning to breathe every couple of strokes. I felt muscles that hadn’t worked in months come to life again.

So I’ll keep showing up and try to be patient, and hopefully soon I will feel like myself again.


  1. What an ordeal for you, Kate. Certainly not typical. So sorry about this. I am impressed but not surprised by your determination and drive to feel and be the healthiest you can. That’s you! Wish I could wave a magic wand to make it all better. Sending love and hugs . . . Kathleen

  2. What a trial. Glad you are able to do some exercise to help you heal. Swimming can be magical. It can be very discouraging when things don’t improve as quickly as we expect- keep the faith, it will come. Hugs.

  3. Oh, Kate! That is such a drag. Hang in there. I hope your body bounces back to its usual old–pain-free–self soon!!!

  4. Runs in the family– the whole catastrophe — you are your grandmother’s granddaughter. Remember that 90+5% of you is Hopper Happy 🙂

    What a weird trip.

    believe this guy. And he is funny. But I mostly wanted to share it because he turns his sister into a unicorn. And that is perfect.




  5. What!? You’re not a unicorn? I could have sworn…

    xo. You are amazing even in the midst of your pain. I wish I could hug it away, or better yet, make it go away with my magic… wine.

  6. Kate: So sorry you’re having to go through all of this. I would imagine the chronic nature of this is the hardest part (or maybe I’m projecting, because that would be the hardest part for me!) Prayers and well-wishes for speedier and fuller recovery. Impressive that you are able to keep working through it all. I hope you get in the water lots more often – sounds like it was healing for you!

    • Thank you so much, Barb! It was healing, so I’ll be back and hopefully feeling myself soon. Maybe my body is just taking a very long time to adjust?

  7. Feel better soon! Be patient. Treat yourself with respect and love. I know that feeling of getting back in the pool.

  8. Kate, what a bummer to not feel well. We too often take our good health for granted. I hope that the swimming and walking and writing all work together to help you to feel better! Love ya!!

  9. Oh, Kate. I haven’t been by your blog in a couple of months–I didn’t realize you were going through these health issues! I’m so sorry. I hope that you are truly on the mend, and that you start feeling better and better. Sending healing thoughts your way. xo.

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