January 29, 2013
by Kate
10 Comments

blogging, writing & adriana páramo

I’m celebrating my 6-year blogiversary this month.  In January of 2007, I started this blog because I wanted to expand the discussion around motherhood literature and promote some of the mother writers I admire. Six years later, I’m still here, interviewing writers, talking about the balance between motherhood & writing. Along the way, I’ve been so grateful to all of you who have tuned in and read my posts, offered comments and support, and changed my world with your own writing. Thank you!!

I know I’ve been quieter this last year, but I’m ready to turn that around and catch up on my reviews. So in honor of my blogiversary, I’m pleased to have author Adriana Páramo here as a guest at Motherhood & Words talking about writing and her new book, Looking for Esperanza. I met Adriana last year at the River Teeth Conference at Ashland University. (The BEST writing conference around.) She had just won the 2011 Benu Press Social Justice and Equity Award in Creative Nonfiction, and it was easy to see why—she’s amazing. I heard Adriana read at the River Teeth open mic, and was blown away.

Looking for Esperanza is part ethnography, part memoir, part investigative journalism. A few years ago, Páramo read a story in the newspaper about a Mexican woman who crossed the border to the United States on foot with her children. Halfway through their desert journey, her youngest daughter died, but instead of leaving her dead body behind, Esperanza, whose name means “hope,” strapped the body of her child to her own and continued on. This story sparked something in Páramo, who began to search for Esperanza in the underworld of Florida migrant communities. Along the way, she spoke with countless women, mothers, and recorded their stories. Their voices build on one another in Looking for Esperanza, and together they are a force whose power cannot be denied. I wish I could put this book into every politician’s hands not to mention the hands of anyone who has stood in the produce section of a grocery store with a package of tomatoes or fresh strawberries in their hands.

Please welcome Adriana Páramo!

KH:  When did you know that you were writing a book about your search for Esperanza?

AP:  I had no idea that my search for Esperanza would become a book until I went planting strawberries with Laura for the first time. That evening as I could barely lift my arm to down some ibruprophens it occurred to me that the scope of my fieldwork had gone beyond looking for one woman. By then, I had seen too much of the hidden Florida, heard too many voices from that underbelly, and been affected too greatly by my discoveries to report on a single woman’s ordeal. After my outings with Laura, I knew this would be a longer work.

KH:  You studied anthropology before pursing creative writing (me too!). Can you talk a little about how your training in anthropology and ethnography affects your writing?

AP:  I am a cultural anthropologist. I study cultures and try to answer the quintessential question: Why do people do the things they do? However, answering that question requires more than the theoretical tools that anthropology/ ethnography provide to conduct fieldwork.  Modern anthropology raises ethical and moral questions and takes a more active role in questioning as well as explaining notions of justice and equality. My challenge as an anthropologist who writes CNF is not only to explore different dimensions of the human experience, watch, document, and engage in participant observation, but also to find a way to represent accurately and fairly the subculture who trusts me enough to allow me into their lives.

KH:  Looking for Esperanza is made up of the voices and stories of multiple undocumented migrant farm workers. Talk a little bit about how you pieced the book together.

AP:  The voices of the women in the book are echoes of voices that didn’t make it to the page, which is to say, each story represents similar accounts from other unnamed women. Rosa’s story is like another undocumented woman’s situation in that both of them have babies with heart conditions and other health issues. Francisca’s story is like Sostenes’ and Maria’s in that both of them gave birth to deformed babies after having been sprayed with pesticides while pregnant. I chose the stories that best depicted the subculture of undocumented women working in the Florida fields.

KH:  There are mentions of your mother, daughter and husband in Looking for Esperanza, but you are careful not to reveal too much about them in this book. Can you talk a little about that choice?

AP:  Looking for Esperanza is about immigrant women who, like myself, came to the USA looking for a better future for our children. That’s the core of the story: we leave our countries and everything familiar behind and we dive blindly into the unknown of this country hoping for light, for food, for shelter, for peace.  Mothers make sacrifices at all social strata: the very poor, the poor, the middle class, we all bend backwards to ensure that our children have access to the resources we didn’t have growing up. That’s why my family is mentioned in the book. So that the reader feels that underneath the social scientist there is a woman who is also a mother and a daughter, just like the women in the book. My other worry, as I worked on the final draft, was that too much anthropological fieldwork could harden the narrative if it wasn’t tempered with a good dose of humanity. That’s why I got personal in the book, in an effort to balance social science and CNF.

My mother, daughter and husband are only mentioned in snippets because Looking for Esperanza is not about me or my family. I didn’t want anything to detract the reader’s attention from the heart of the book, from the lives of the women who shared their stories with me. Also, I do not reveal too much about my family life because I do exactly that in My Mother’s Funeral, a book entirely about women in modern Colombia.

KH:  In what ways does motherhood influence your writing?

AP:  I can’t escape this condition of being a mother. My daughter is married, is in the USA Navy and needs very little guidance from me, yet, I find myself going back to writing about either being her mother or being a daughter almost compulsively. Parenting, whether my own or other women’s permeates my writing. In fact, most of my published material is inherently feminine and feminist, terms that in my book are synonyms for the word mother.

KH:  What was your path to publication for Looking for Esperanza? What challenges did you face along the way?

AP:  I looked for Esperanza for 18 months; during this time, I wrote chunks of rough drafts which I abandoned upon the death of my mother. I grieved hard and to make matters worse, I took on a corporate dead end job that nearly killed any creativity I had in me. It was within the confines of this cubicle that I started to write My Mother’s Funeral.  I eventually quit that job, enrolled in a graduate creative program and rewrote My Mother’s Funeral. It was after the book got accepted for publication by CavanKerry Press that I had the courage to revisit, rewrite and finish Looking for Esperanza, which I entered into the 2011 Social and Justice Award in CNF organized by Benu Press judged by Dinty Moore. I still can’t believe it won.

 KH:  Your book has been out for a few months now. What are the reactions you’re getting from readers?

AP:  Outside the USA, the book has been read in Spain, Scotland, Canada, Colombia, France and England, that I know of. The consensus is that the book has brought awareness to the appalling living and working conditions of our undocumented farm workers in Florida. Looking for Esperanza has also created a sort or urgency, a need for the reader to say “what can we do?” or “how can we change this?”

KH:  What are you working on now?

AP:  My Mother’s Funeral is scheduled to be published this fall. I’m working on the last round of revisions and along with a couple of artists on the cover art. I’m concurrently working on Desert Butterflies an incomplete CNF work about the women I worked with while living in the emirate of Kuwait.

Thank you, Adriana, for taking the time to answer my questions and be a part of Motherhood & Words.  Readers, please leave a comment below by February 10th if you’d like to be entered into the drawing to receive a copy of Looking for Esperanza.

January 16, 2013
by Kate
10 Comments

next big thing

I’m grateful to the fabulous Sonya Huber for inviting me to participate in the Next Big Thing, a blog meme for writers. I met Sonya a few years ago on a panel at AWP, and I have so much respect for her. I’ve interviewed her here on Motherhood & Words about her memoir Cover Me, and I’m thrilled that her first book, Opa Nobody, is being released in paperback. She was also a (hilarious) guest at my 5th Annual Motherhood & Words reading. You can listen to that here.

So, here it goes…Next Big thing:

What is the title of your book?

Ready for Air: A Journey Through Premature Motherhood

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Or three.

When I developed preeclampsia in 2003, my first daughter was born two months prematurely. Ready for Air is the often funny, often terrifying account of the final weeks of my pregnancy, the “this-was-not-part-of-the-plan” first weeks of my daughter’s life in the hospital, and the isolated world we inhabited after we took her home. It is a story of friendship, family, and the power of words to connect us to one another.

What genre does your book fall under?

Creative nonfiction/memoir

Where did the idea come from for the book?

I didn’t realize I was writing a book when I first began to write Ready for Air. When Stella was five months old, I went to the coffee shop near my house with paper and pen. I was feeling desperate for words, and I knew I needed some time out of the house. But instead of returning to the half-finished pieces I had been working on before her birth, what came out were images of my daughter in the hospital: a miniature thing on an open warming bed, her legs splayed like a frog’s, a white ventilator tube taped over her mouth, purple veins tracking across her skull like spider webs.

Just getting those details down on paper made me feel more grounded than I had felt in months, and I knew I’d be back to write more. I began to write one morning a week, focusing on those moments and memories from the previous months. That was the beginning of Ready for Air.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?

It took me about two years to write the first full draft. Then I took a year away from the manuscript as it was shopped around. It was rejected that first time out (often for being too difficult to sell and market), and I decided to rewrite it. I didn’t want to alter the voice or even the basic narrative arc, but I knew I had more distance from the material and I was a better writer than I had been when I began writing it, so I wanted to start again with fresh eyes. I printed it out and set it to the side, and then I opened a new Word document and started from the beginning again. That whole process took me an additional two and a half years, and I’m so glad I took the time to do it. It’s a much better book now.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Having a premature baby is a traumatic experience—in fact, many preemie parents end up with various degrees of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Writing helped me process what we had gone through. I was also very committed to writing my whole experience with early motherhood and prematurity.  There is still a veil around motherhood, and it feels taboo to write and talk about the challenging parts of being a parent. But if we don’t write that reality, we are simply perpetuating the myths of motherhood—I wanted to write against that with this book.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

My fabulous agent, Amy Burkhardt, found a home for it at the University of Minnesota Press, and I’m thrilled to be there. My editor really understands my vision for the book. It will be released in October, 2013.

What other works would you compare this book to within your genre?

Hmm, that’s a hard one. It isn’t like any of the preemie memoirs I’ve read, though I haven’t read them all. I’ll let my readers make that call.

What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?

Well, I’d love to have Julianne Moore play me, because I love her and she can be both intense and funny. Wishful thinking, I know.

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

There are a number of narrative threads in the book that I hope readers will relate to even if they haven’t had a preemie (and even if they aren’t parents). Part of the book is about marriage and how men and women deal differently with crisis. Other threads have to do with depression, family, faith, and learning to live with uncertainty. A little something for everyone, I hope. It will be out October 1st so stay tuned!!

As part of this meme, I get to tag other authors who I think will be the Next Big Thing.

Here are my picks:

Caroline Grant, editor of Mama PhD and The Cassoulet Saved Our Marriage

Katrina Kenison, author of Magical Journey and The Gift of an Ordinary Day

Amy Shearn, author of How Far is the Ocean From Here and The Mermaid of Brooklyn

Sheila Squillante, author of Another Beginning and In This Dream of My Father, forthcoming collections of poetry

Check their blogs in the next week and see what they have cooking up!

January 14, 2013
by Kate
2 Comments

mom enough

For the past couple of years, I’ve been honored to have my annual Motherhood & Words reading be recorded as a Mom Enough podcast.  If you missed the 6th Annual Motherhood & Words Reading at the Loft Literary Center in October, you can listen here.  Reading with me were award-winning authors Debra Gwartney and Amie Klempnauer Miller. Check it out! Thank you, Marti and Erin for making this podcast possible again!

Also, I have a post over on the Loft’s Writer’s Block. You can read that here.

Happy listening and reading!

 

January 7, 2013
by Kate
7 Comments

finding my way back

Happy New Year, friends. I hope you enjoyed the holidays.

Christmas for me was busy, as it always is, but it was full of good cheer and lots of family. Then over New Year’s we spent five days at my mom’s cabin in Northern Minnesota. It was cold up there, but sunny. Each day I clicked into my cross-country skis and headed out into the woods or onto to the lake, where I glided through the snow, accompanied by the swish of my skis and occasional calling of birds. I could have spent all day outside in that quiet cold.

Stella and Zoë skied with me a little, but they were more drawn to the ice rink that D cleared on the lake. Stella spent hours zipping around and around, practicing her hockey stops. I don’t venture onto the rink—it wouldn’t be pretty—but I love to watch the girls crisscrossing that patch of ice, their joy so palpable that you can almost see it steaming off their bundled figures.

Now that we’re back, I’m trying to settle into a rhythm of writing again. I haven’t written much at all this past year, and I feel a gaping hole in my life because of it. It’s odd that though I have one book out and another on its way into the world, I feel less like a writer than I have in many years. Not good. When I’m not writing, a coil of discontent begins to unwind into the rest of my life.

Clearly I need to make some changes.

That’s why I spent several hours cleaning my tiny pantry office yesterday. I uncovered piles, sorted and tossed. It was liberating. When I was done, I had filled three grocery bags with paper—drafts of the memoir, random teaching notes, old magazines. I shredded old receipts and filed away bills.

Now I can once again see the pale wood of my desk. The to-be-read and reviewed books are neatly stacked and lined up. The copies of Poets & Writers and The Writer’s Chronicle and Brain, Child are standing at attention, ready when I am.

I’m ready. Ready to put words down on the page, ready to feel like a writer again. Ready to take a deep breath and dive back into my novel.

What are you ready for?

December 17, 2012
by Kate
9 Comments

hunkering down

Friday’s tragedy in Newtown continues to reverberate through our lives, our families, our communities. From my tiny office I stare out the window at the gray skies and the dirty snow, and feel the weight of that tremendous loss, of all of those young lives obliterated. I turn to my computer when I can stand it and read about the victims and their families, tears welling in my eyes again and again.

This weekend I had a lot on my plate—workshop pieces for my online class, a book-length manuscript I’m editing, a freelance article I’ve been working on. But I couldn’t make myself sit down at my desk. I couldn’t bear to isolate myself from my family.

So instead I held my girls tightly, caught them up in as many hugs as they would allow, and I baked. Or rather I stirred and stirred, then, hours later, wrapped and wrapped. In other words: I made my first batch of homemade caramels. I have never been much of confectioner, but this year, I stumbled upon a caramel recipe that called to me. I started with the classics and then made a batch of orange espresso caramels. I have to say that they are dangerously delicious. Sunday morning as the girls were busy with a sewing project and then a beading project (with an intermission at the pool to swim), I cut cellophane, wrapped, and taped. And for those short hours, the world felt safe.

Here is a glimpse of my handywork (100 of each kind):

IMG_0678

Sending love out into the world these days and hugging my girls close.

December 13, 2012
by Kate
0 comments

and the winners are…

Thanks to all of you who posted a comment in response to my post about Patricia Zaballos’ wonderful new book, Workshops Work!  The winners of the three ebooks are Michelle of the Parent Vortex, Maria, and Tee! Patricia will be in touch with you soon via email.

Happy reading, friends, and as soon as I pull my head out of my pile of freelance work, I’ll be back.

November 30, 2012
by Kate
28 Comments

writer’s workshops

I’m really excited about Patricia Zaballos’ book Workshops Work!: A Parents Guide to Facilitating Writing Workshops for Kids, which is just out. Patricia is an expert homeschooling writer mama, and I’m so glad to know her. She loves words and inspires others to find the joy in words. (She writes the blog Wonderfarm, and if you have time, please check out her 2009 Year of Excellent Essayists posts, in which she reads and responds each month to the work of a different essayist. They’re fabulous.)

You definitely don’t have to homeschool your kids to get something out of Patricia Zaballos’ Workshops Work! It’s inspiring for any parent, teacher or writer. It reminded me why I love to workshop with my students, and why I love to have my own writing workshopped. It works. It keeps me writing. It makes me a better writer.

Workshops Work! provides inspiration and the nitty gritty details to help anyone establish a writer’s workshop. The book is geared toward adults who are working with kids, but you could just as easily use this book to establish an adult writer’s workshop. It’s full of wonderful nuggets that will not only help writers and writing teachers respond and help their students respond more effectively to workshops, but will help us respond more effectively and empathetically to each other out in the world, in daily life. That’s an unexpected gift in this book.

Patricia has offered three PDF/ebook copies of Workshops Work!  to Motherhood & Words readers. Yay! Please comment below to be entered into the drawing. I will accept comments until Wednesday, December 12.

I’m also looking forward to having Patricia as a guest at Motherhood & Words in the next few weeks to discuss her process with self-publishing. So stay tuned. And don’t forget to leave a comment if you are interested in winning a PDF/ebook copy of Workshops Work!

 

November 26, 2012
by Kate
11 Comments

refreshed

I usually write a blog post on Thanksgiving as I take stock of my life and the things, big and small, for which I’m grateful. These things are almost always the same: the laughter and antics of my daughters; Donny and our marriage; our families; our health; our friends; a warm and cozy home; this blog and you, my readers; jobs that we like and that pay the bills.

This Thanksgiving, I took time to reflect and give thanks, as always, but instead of doing so as I sat around a dinner table laden with turkey and gravy, I sat on a balcony overlooking the Caribbean, where Stella and Zoë swam and laughed with their cousin and Donny and my brother-in-law, who threw them up in the air again and again.

My older sister and her husband had generously rented a lodge for our whole family for a week on Isla Carnero, Bocas del Toro, Panama. It was a lovely week full of swimming and snorkeling, piña coladas, and lots of laughter. And even though the weather did not cooperate—the dark clouds and rain muted the turquoise water, made boat rides to neighboring islands wet and chilly, and filled our shoes with mud—it was still a wonderful vacation. A real vacation. I did not take my computer. I did not write a blog post. I did not edit or teach or think about the next book. I read. I played in the water. We saw dolphins surfacing in the aptly named Dolphin Bay, and we floated on the choppy water in Crawl Cay, faces to the water, mesmerized by the brilliance of fluorescent fish.

It was a lovely vacation, and like always, I am happy to be home. This morning I caught up on emails, did load after load of laundry, picked up Aguita, who was being taken car of by our wonderful neighbors. Then I went for a long walk with the dog. The freezing Minnesota air and the sun in my face made me feel alive and ready to dive back into my work, but not in that frantic way I was working before our trip. I know that I need to build more self-care into my days—walking, running, swimming. The work will get done, as it always does, even if I slow down.

So today I am grateful for my time away, and I am grateful to be back, more relaxed than I have been in a long time.

I hope you all had a lovely holiday. I would love to hear about the things for which you are grateful.

November 5, 2012
by Kate
22 Comments

enough

On Wednesday afternoon, when Donny and the girls got home, I could tell something was wrong. Stella was holding back tears.

“What’s wrong?” I asked leaning down.

“Her friend’s mom died,” Zoë stated matter-of-factly.

“What?” I asked, looking up.

“She did,” Zoë said loudly, her eyes wide.

Donny nodded, his lips pursed.

Stella handed me the note from her school. The mother of Stella’s friend—her classroom buddy—had died suddenly, inexplicably. (Stella’s class is a 1st- 3rd grade classroom, and all first graders are matched with an older buddy to help them along, encourage them.)

“Oh honey,” I said, sitting down on the love-seat on the porch, opening my arms to my daughter, feeling like I was punched in the gut. “I’m so sorry.”

The tears came then, and didn’t stop for a long time. “Are you sad for your friend?”

Stella nodded. “I just feel so bad for her, Mom. I just feel so sad for her.”

I rubbed her back, breathed in the scent of leaves in her hair. “I know, Honey. It’s so, so sad.”

Finally, I asked her whether she was worried that might happen to me. I was, after all, the same age as her friend’s mother: 40 years old. She hugged me more tightly, wouldn’t let go, as if she could somehow keep me safe, keep us safe.

I brushed the hair from her eyes. “This is very unusual,” I said. And though I can’t promise this, I said, “I want you to know that I’m not going anywhere.”

“But it happens every three years,” she said, weeping. I had almost forgotten that when Stella was in first grade, her third-grade buddy had also lost her mother suddenly.

“It’s just not fair,” she said then, and I hugged her more tightly.

“I know, sweetie.”

We went out trick or treating later that night, and there were more tears.  On Thursday she went to school with a heavy heart, and I sat at home, finishing edits on the memoir, my own heart breaking for her friend and her friend’s family.

Stella and I went to the visitation on Thursday night. Stella’s friend was thrilled to see her, ran up and gave her a big hug. I was so glad we went. But the evening was full of raw grief. Stella sat nervously next to me as family members shared memories, cried, laughed a little. When we finally got back in our car, the tears she had been holding in for the last hour spilled out. Why hadn’t her friend been crying? Was so this so much sadder than when Great-Gahgee died?

Great- Gahgee, my grandpa, Spencer, died a year and a half ago. There were tears at his memorial service, certainly, but there was also a lot of laughter. We were celebrating his long—102 years!—life. I explained that it’s different when someone dies too young, when they aren’t done living. “Great-Gahgee decided it was time to go. He made that choice, and he’d had an amazing, long life.”

Bedtime was rough that night, her sadness for her friend consuming her. I held her tightly. We talked about how her friend’s emotions might go up and down, how she might be really sad some days, but not others. We talked about how unfair it was.

My job is to just to be here for my daughter, to be patient with her as she works her way through her own sadness and fear. I’ll hold her tight and talk and listen and let her know it’s okay to cry. We’ll make a meal for her friend’s family. We’ll invite her friend for a play date. And each night, I’ll hold my daughter close and tell her how much I love her, how proud I am of the kind of friend she is. And I hope that’s enough.

 

 

 

October 26, 2012
by Kate
4 Comments

madeline island school of the arts

Last weekend, the girls, D and I drove 4 hours from Minneapolis to Bayfield, Wisconsin, where we stopped in at the adorable Apostle Island Booksellers as we waited for the ferry to Madeline Island, the largest of the Apostle Islands in Lake Superior.

We had been invited to the island by the staff of the Madeline Island School of the Arts (MISA). I’ll be teaching a five-day Motherhood & Words retreat/class there June 17-21, and they wanted me to come up and check out the campus.

It’s a dream come true for artists and writers. I can’t imagine any place I’d rather spend a week writing, talking about craft, biking around the island, and canoeing in the Big Bay lagoon. (And sipping wine on the porch of the Farmhouse!) The campus is gorgeous and serene—a restored dairy farm that overlooks prairie and forest.

Charles, one of the founders of the school, couldn’t be more gracious. He greeted us when we arrived and gave us a tour of campus.

 

The Barn has cozy places to meet and talk with students or write. This is where the meals are served.

 

 

We stayed in the Farmhouse, the original homestead, which has been updated, and is lovely and incredibly comfortable. (Complete with an old phonograph.)

 

The student lodging is perfect, and Charles explained that they would be constructing more cabins this spring. (They are also building the Lookout, which will house the writing classes).

After our tour, D and the girls and I headed out to explore the island, which is only 14 miles long. We ended up on Big Bay Beach, an impossibly long crescent-shaped beach. Stella and Zoë waded into the frigid lake, collecting rocks for their fairy house, which they constructed on the beach with their rocks, bark, grass, and driftwood. It was only hunger that finally allowed us to drag them away from their creation.

We ate pizza at Grandpa Tony’s in town (their last night open for the season), and then drove back to MISA, where Charles and I talked about the work he was planning. In the morning, we woke to fog on the prairie and a wolf hunting for rodents along the edge of the woods. Hot coffee and breakfast awaited us in the Barn.

Later in the day, we once again boarded the ferry and headed back to the mainland, but I already felt the pull of the island. I can’t wait to be back there in June with a group of students, soaking up that place as we read and write and relax.

 

For more information about MISA, check out their website.  I’d love to see some of you there in June!